This is an open letter to JohnCarls to clarify why I stopped trying to communicate or build a legitimate friendship. I am convinced that despite my having been ridiculously kind and forgiving at every turn, you continuously refused to take no for an answer. Maybe making this letter public will give others an opportunity to chime in and help me phrase it in another way that gets through to you.
I want to make it clear right off the bat that I have never been out to hurt you. I didn't want to have to call you out publicly for any of this, but I can't seem to get through to you on my own. It's reached a point where it feels reckless to let you off the hook when it wasn't an isolated incident. You've made others feel this way or worse, too. Maybe you (or more likely someone else) will read this and actually learn how to identify when someone is trying to nicely reject your advances.
The truth is I’m tired of thinking about it. I'm tired of Penny being thrown under the bus like it was somehow her fault that you're a dink. I'm tired of worrying about what horrible things you've said or done to all those other women who reported you. You were already banned from GDQ by the time I shared my story, so there's no way it was good news. And seriously, the towel pic... like dude, wtf?? Based on the description, I dodged a bullet by ignoring your offer to show it to me. Hard pass.
I'm also tired of having to keep making an effort to ignore and block you. I ghosted you everywhere, as I’m quite sure you’ve noticed. But you've kept trying to reach out to apologize again and again. for crying out loud, John, I didn't need any more apologies after the first one. I needed you to just stop hitting on me and actually treat me like a friend. I didn't like it and asked nicely multiple times to stop, yet here we are.
I have this absurd collection of texts that make me feel like I've been taking crazy pills. How many opportunities can a person give you to save face and backpedal out of it? At every opportunity I offered you instead chose to keep trying. Being friends with you was like going to a party and being excited that there's a dog there, but then for the next 2 years it won't stop humping your leg.
I've looked back through our interactions several times and I cannot figure out how you function. Like, you're either a complete idiot or you did this because you really thought, deep down, there was a chance I'd be into you. There wasn't. No means no, bro. What more do I need to say to clear this up? Make a public statement?
Most of our conversations were pretty standard, really. Talking about GDQ, our home life, relationships, career aspirations and health journey. I literally talk to all of my friends and family about this stuff, so you know, I thought we were building up a normal friendship.
The first time I noticed you going fishing was this exchange. I got the feeling like you were only asking this to see how serious my marriage is. Otherwise, why would you think texting is a rule-breaker worth being paranoid about? I'm allowed to have friends.
I want to make it clear right off the bat that I have never been out to hurt you. I didn't want to have to call you out publicly for any of this, but I can't seem to get through to you on my own. It's reached a point where it feels reckless to let you off the hook when it wasn't an isolated incident. You've made others feel this way or worse, too. Maybe you (or more likely someone else) will read this and actually learn how to identify when someone is trying to nicely reject your advances.
The truth is I’m tired of thinking about it. I'm tired of Penny being thrown under the bus like it was somehow her fault that you're a dink. I'm tired of worrying about what horrible things you've said or done to all those other women who reported you. You were already banned from GDQ by the time I shared my story, so there's no way it was good news. And seriously, the towel pic... like dude, wtf?? Based on the description, I dodged a bullet by ignoring your offer to show it to me. Hard pass.
I'm also tired of having to keep making an effort to ignore and block you. I ghosted you everywhere, as I’m quite sure you’ve noticed. But you've kept trying to reach out to apologize again and again. for crying out loud, John, I didn't need any more apologies after the first one. I needed you to just stop hitting on me and actually treat me like a friend. I didn't like it and asked nicely multiple times to stop, yet here we are.
I have this absurd collection of texts that make me feel like I've been taking crazy pills. How many opportunities can a person give you to save face and backpedal out of it? At every opportunity I offered you instead chose to keep trying. Being friends with you was like going to a party and being excited that there's a dog there, but then for the next 2 years it won't stop humping your leg.
I've looked back through our interactions several times and I cannot figure out how you function. Like, you're either a complete idiot or you did this because you really thought, deep down, there was a chance I'd be into you. There wasn't. No means no, bro. What more do I need to say to clear this up? Make a public statement?
Most of our conversations were pretty standard, really. Talking about GDQ, our home life, relationships, career aspirations and health journey. I literally talk to all of my friends and family about this stuff, so you know, I thought we were building up a normal friendship.
The first time I noticed you going fishing was this exchange. I got the feeling like you were only asking this to see how serious my marriage is. Otherwise, why would you think texting is a rule-breaker worth being paranoid about? I'm allowed to have friends.
In that second conversation, I wish I had thought to tell you immediately that this compliment would have been better suited as a public comment on Instagram. You saw it and liked it on Insta, so just leave your comment there, too. It was unnecessary to message that to me privately. When you did, and then immediately apologized for being inappropriate, it gave me the impression that you weren't just complimenting me - you were hoping that it would butter me up. Again, I didn’t think of it at the time, but now that I exist in the future and can look back on all of this, it's like, wow, you said sorry A LOT. Almost as if you knew from the start what your intentions were.
Remember this convo when I confided in you how embarrassingly shy I felt about meeting the GDQ community? It's the first time I attempted to communicate that I wasn't trying to lead you on or give you the impression that my excitement to meet you was a form of flirting. The reality is that I was excited to meet everyone at GDQ. I still am - all the time.
Here's another time I had to explain, once again, that I wasn't trying to lead you on - and that you were giving me some pretty gnarly "Nice Guy" vibes. But you assured me that you weren't a nice guy... anymore. And I believed you. Then we continued chatting about your dating life and I'll leave that private since it doesn't benefit this conversation, but damn man. No wonder you suck with women - you keep trying to hit on people who clearly aren't interested.
You started to piss me off when you said shit like "You're married! That's way off limits for me." Like, yeah, I know it's off limits... that's what I've been trying to tell you this whole time. I'm not off limits because I'm married, though, I'm off limits because I told you I'm not looking for anything beyond friendship. I'm my own person and allowed to make decisions without my husband's approval. A ring didn't suddenly rob me of my individualism and, despite what your religion may have taught you, I'm not my husband's property. He's been the best part of my life for over 11 years and there's no way some dude I just met is going to be able to compete with that. It's crazy that I need to clarify this to a man in his 30s, but it really doesn't seem like you get it. You don't have to like it, but it's reality, so put that in your pipe and smoke it.
I get whiplash every time I read this series of texts:
Continued:
Wait, you're being weird?! I hAdN't NoTiCeD.
Then we move into the chapter where you kept initiating conversations because you were feeling guilty and wanted reassurance that I wasn't mad. Yeah, I was mad. And getting real tired of your bullshit, too. I flat out said it again in the 3rd screenshot, but please allow me to emphasize, just on the off chance you're reading this right now and missed this bit:
"Yeah, we can [be friends]. But the flirting isn't gonna fly with me."
I wish I could say this next conversation was just like the others up to this point, but you actually manged to surprise me yet again. Your saying "I wouldn't let anything happen" has got to be one of the most arrogant comments I've ever read. I'm the one not letting anything happen here, John. You need to stop kidding yourself that you were ever in control of this situation. And you sure as shit don't respect my marriage or me. Just like Penny said, I don't have to be in a relationship to turn you or anyone down.
Glad that was the last time you apologized, so thanks for that.
Just kidding. Here is a compilation of our final exchanges, which primarily consist of you apologizing. Oh, and thanks so much for turning the term "Drinky Drinks" into a trigger that reminds me of this entire exchange. That's whatever the opposite of fun is.
After that message on Twitter, a lot happened. I finally came to terms with how done with you I was. I didn't feel grateful or appreciative no matter how many times you said you were sorry. I didn't want to associate with you anymore because I realized being friends with you sucks. I unfollowed, unsubscribed and unhooked myself from every social connection we had. I contacted Penny privately to discuss her post and she went above and beyond to make me feel heard, validated and even empowered to add my name to the pile of complaints against you at GDQ events. It wasn't fun to cross paths with you at SGDQ2018 and see that dopey look on your face. You ever notice how people look more attractive the more you realize how nice of a person they are? Well, you've successfully made me so disgusted by your behavior that you look like a walking turd to me. Congrats!
Apparently unfollowing you wasn't enough of a hint, though, and you kept popping up places so I had to resort to blocking you.
Dude, please. Can someone back me up here? How do I say this more plainly: I don't want to associate with you ever again. For the billionth time: no. I don't give a rat's ass if you don't like it.
No.
No. No. No. No. No.
Nuh uh.
Never.
Nope.
No, thanks.
Not gonna happen.
I beseech you: turn to the 8 billion other human beings on this planet to help you/befriend you/care about you, etc. because I am done here.
Since I thought we were friends at the time, I've shown you a final act of kindness by blocking out things that weren't topical or mine to share in order to protect your privacy. But make no mistake: we are not friends and I'm not playing your stupid game anymore.
I hope you shit your pants in public someday,
-PuzzlePea
[7/13/20 - I no longer welcome the idea of us communicating again so I redacted my original statement to speak publicly if necessary. It's not necessary, so don't.]
Apparently unfollowing you wasn't enough of a hint, though, and you kept popping up places so I had to resort to blocking you.
Dude, please. Can someone back me up here? How do I say this more plainly: I don't want to associate with you ever again. For the billionth time: no. I don't give a rat's ass if you don't like it.
No.
No. No. No. No. No.
Nuh uh.
Never.
Nope.
No, thanks.
Not gonna happen.
I beseech you: turn to the 8 billion other human beings on this planet to help you/befriend you/care about you, etc. because I am done here.
Since I thought we were friends at the time, I've shown you a final act of kindness by blocking out things that weren't topical or mine to share in order to protect your privacy. But make no mistake: we are not friends and I'm not playing your stupid game anymore.
I hope you shit your pants in public someday,
-PuzzlePea
[7/13/20 - I no longer welcome the idea of us communicating again so I redacted my original statement to speak publicly if necessary. It's not necessary, so don't.]