I had reached 160lbs once before, as the summer first started and got crazy, but I made sure to still eat as clean as possible, and limit sugar/junk, as those tend to trigger bingeing. I succeeded and failed plenty over the summer, but never exceeding 160. Now that I see that number again, I know that I have hit my own personal limit and must pull back harder on the reins now that things have settled down in my life.
My plan, since the moment I woke up this morning, is to spend the day remembering why I started. After all, this is pretty much a new beginning in it's own right, and as Fraulein Maria always suggests, "let's start at the very beginning", as it is, indeed, a very good place to start.
Today, much like every day for about 5 years now, I had eggs for breakfast. I love them. I love the taste, texture, and they make my body feel good after eating them. If it ain't broke, why fix it? So, I eat them every dang day because I want every day to start off by feeling good.
I had a gig today and went through 6 or 7 Ricolas, which is not ideal. They are made with honey, sure, but they're still pretty much candy. So... that is one of my vices right now - Ricolas. Good to know, for sure.
After my gig I wanted to follow my reflexes and get a cookie. I resisted and left before giving myself the option to change my mind again. Hell, even when I got to the gig there was a sample table out with animal cookies. Free cookies. I remembered when I started that when it was hard to say no to free treats, I told myself "I don't want to eat those, it's candy for kids" (which is sort of sad because if I hadn't been chomping so much junk as a kid I wouldn't have been obese in the first place...) but it helps remind me that it IS in fact junk food and OF COURSE IT'S FREE. The people making junk food are super excited to get you hooked on their highly addictive food product. That's how you sell lots of something. Anyway, I digress.
I felt rather powerful today as a result. When I got home, I started doing stuff around the house until I realized that I hadn't eaten lunch yet - which very rarely happens to me. I am usually eating or thinking about eating 90% of my day. It's the worst. But, today I was doing something I really love and it takes me away from whatever is causing me to fixate on what I'll eat next.
As I ate my salad, I took more time to really focus on each vegetable and remember why it ended up in my daily salads. Why did I keep eating this food? It was more than just being "good for me". Eggplant is good for me, too... but I don't eat it because it repulses me. Luckily, there's more than one thing that's healthy to eat, so I choose the ones that please me. Like bell peppers and corn. I love how sweet they are. Even tomatoes have grown on me over the past few months. I take time to enjoy and savor the meal I took the time to assemble for myself - and I am reminded once more of why I started. I started because I realize that I am mortal and will only get to live for so long. I want as many days as I get to be ones I enjoy. I do not enjoy obesity and the pains it brought with it. I don't want to see myself as a diabetic, or managing an illness that could have been prevented if I had just taken the time while I was still able to. That time is right now. No better time is coming for me, this I know. This is the youngest I'll ever be again but I'm pretty sure I love my 30s more than I loved my 20s, and if I keep working at it and bettering myself a little bit at a time I might even love my 40s more.
Hope everyone has a great week - and a productive October in whatever your own life goals are!