I think I did a decent job of making the best of my situation and trying to see beauty in myself when deep down I didn't like looking at me. I took a lot of pictures of myself at flattering angles and got used to seeing the pretty version of me. It helped me to perceive myself in a more positive way and practice self-love.
It felt like suddenly my husband could just pick me up in his arms and carry me around. I was used to being able to pick up a shirt or pants and know whether or not it would fit me. Or see a narrow passage and just know that I would have to scrunch up to fit through without hitting my arms on anything. Oy, sitting on an airplane in a middle seat...
It felt like suddenly it wasn't so difficult to just start running, or get up from the floor, or climb multiple stories of stairs.
It felt like suddenly I could actually taste food. I started to enjoy eating things I used to hate eating, like black olives or blueberries or cherries.
The adjustment was bumpy, rocky, miserable. The results so far have been surprising, enjoyable, inspiring.
So this week I though, why don't I make my healthy eating and weight loss journey into a game that includes all of the features I enjoy when playing other games? I am going to be brainstorming and writing out this game idea and how it will work and then play it for a week or two and see if it's something that will assist in motivating me even further. I have mentioned that I am not as into exercise as I should be - and it's all for mental reasons to which I have been making efforts to improve upon!
It's been a strange and incredible few months that have inspired me to continue to reach for my original goal of being 160lbs. I am thrilled to finally be able to say I'm only 10lbs away from that goal. What once felt like an impossible feat, I now feel it is completely within my capabilities.
That thinking has thankfully shifted over the past few months, and I now look at weight as a way to keep tabs on myself. The fact that my weight loss has slowed down to about 0.5-1lb per week is a VERY GOOD thing for me. Losing 30lbs since May was chaotic in the sense that I had to go shopping multiple times a month to replace clothing that no longer fit. Sounds like a dream for many folks who love to go shopping, but it's seriously not as fun as it sounds. Because that cute shirt and jeans I bought two weeks ago? Yeah, they don't fit anymore, so I can't wear them anymore and have to donate them back. My clothing selection got really small for a while there. It's still small compared to what I used to own - and the fact that life in the Midwest means we need to have clothing for all kinds of weather. I am woefully unprepared for winter, that's for sure!
I look at the scale as a way to keep track of my progress and compare it to the image I see in the mirror and pictures. Does this person reflect how I see myself? When I look at pictures of me now I think "didn't I always look like that?". When I look at pictures of myself from a year ago or more I realize, no. But that's okay, because that means that I did see beauty in myself back then. Sometimes I could see past my own obesity, too. My friends and family accepted and loved me regardless of my weight, and thanks to them a piece of me grew to feel the same about myself. The reward from that is so great, because now when I look at the present me I see what I want to see. I like where I'm at. Anything from here is just going to be a bonus.