Things have been different since the trip overseas in December. Everything I experienced in Europe was an adventure and I have no regrets about how it went. It just didn't have the impact I was expecting, and so I've spent the past 3 months trying to retrain my brain how to process my lifestyle change.
I expected to return home and resume eating the healthy foods I have fallen in love with since last April and all would be fine and dandy. As it turned out, I fell back into my binge eating habits and so even though I was eating healthy food again, I was overeating. A lot. The day we left for Europe I weighed 153lbs and I was beaming for about a week about it until the junk food started taking over my brain again and I started to become unfocused.
I wasn't as strict on myself because I was on vacation and I felt that I deserved a "break".
After 3 months of dragging my feet, I'm FINALLY, just now, getting back on the progress train.
I maintain my stance that I am not in any hurry to accomplish my new goal of 135lbs. I know myself and I know that I don't change quickly. But I also know that I don't give up easily. I've wanted to lose weight for as long as I can remember and I did exactly what I set out to do. It just took a while to make it happen in a way that was right for me. But I'm here now, under 160lbs and looking ahead at what my next goal will take to reach.
So far, I can see that a lot of losing weight is mental. It's the voice that tells me that I can't do something or that I don't deserve to have what I want. I am thrilled that I currently have enough discipline to make good choices on what I put into my body. That is what kept me around 160lbs while I was getting back on track mentally in January and February. It was so hard to convince myself to try harder and keep up the high energy I had in 2015. I felt like I had done such a good job of taking a break from my daily routine that I only returned to my life after much kicking and screaming. I wasn't sure if that was something worth putting in my weekly blog, so I chose instead to take a small hiatus and get my thoughts back in order. Besides, just like everyone else, I had plenty of other things in life to keep my attention.
I'm not even upset that it took me s couple of months to get back on my game. I think it was probably a good thing to revisit that kind of lifestyle choice again and be reminded of why I've made an effort to change in the first place. I didn't lack self-love altogether. I totally love this weirdo I get to be. But that part of me that lives on instincts and false ideals... well, she needs some training. The only way I've been able to focus my energy enough mentally has been to take better care of the body. If the body is functioning well, the brain has time and energy enough to think of improving itself.
If I break my leg, the majority of my focus will be on the pain and seeking help. Once my leg is in a cast and has time to heal itself, I am able to think about other things. My thoughts tend to be on ways to improve my experience being alive. There are so many things I can't control in life. How much time I put into my health determines how many good days I will get to experience. We all have several things that can contribute to a having a good day. For me, some would include:
So what I do is look at this list and see if I can make as many of these as possible happen in one day, every day. Here's an example of how I've accomplished these:
My hope is for this week to be as solid as last week, and that I continue to channel my energy toward making a better present, while being mindful of future me. I still go grocery shopping 2-3 times a week so that future me can make salads for the next day's lunch. Past me took 2 walks today so that present me can feel accomplished and give me the fuel I need to reshape my habits for this lifestyle. It's like a game, and every level is new, unpredictable, and a chance to put new skills to the test.
I expected to return home and resume eating the healthy foods I have fallen in love with since last April and all would be fine and dandy. As it turned out, I fell back into my binge eating habits and so even though I was eating healthy food again, I was overeating. A lot. The day we left for Europe I weighed 153lbs and I was beaming for about a week about it until the junk food started taking over my brain again and I started to become unfocused.
I wasn't as strict on myself because I was on vacation and I felt that I deserved a "break".
After 3 months of dragging my feet, I'm FINALLY, just now, getting back on the progress train.
I maintain my stance that I am not in any hurry to accomplish my new goal of 135lbs. I know myself and I know that I don't change quickly. But I also know that I don't give up easily. I've wanted to lose weight for as long as I can remember and I did exactly what I set out to do. It just took a while to make it happen in a way that was right for me. But I'm here now, under 160lbs and looking ahead at what my next goal will take to reach.
So far, I can see that a lot of losing weight is mental. It's the voice that tells me that I can't do something or that I don't deserve to have what I want. I am thrilled that I currently have enough discipline to make good choices on what I put into my body. That is what kept me around 160lbs while I was getting back on track mentally in January and February. It was so hard to convince myself to try harder and keep up the high energy I had in 2015. I felt like I had done such a good job of taking a break from my daily routine that I only returned to my life after much kicking and screaming. I wasn't sure if that was something worth putting in my weekly blog, so I chose instead to take a small hiatus and get my thoughts back in order. Besides, just like everyone else, I had plenty of other things in life to keep my attention.
I'm not even upset that it took me s couple of months to get back on my game. I think it was probably a good thing to revisit that kind of lifestyle choice again and be reminded of why I've made an effort to change in the first place. I didn't lack self-love altogether. I totally love this weirdo I get to be. But that part of me that lives on instincts and false ideals... well, she needs some training. The only way I've been able to focus my energy enough mentally has been to take better care of the body. If the body is functioning well, the brain has time and energy enough to think of improving itself.
If I break my leg, the majority of my focus will be on the pain and seeking help. Once my leg is in a cast and has time to heal itself, I am able to think about other things. My thoughts tend to be on ways to improve my experience being alive. There are so many things I can't control in life. How much time I put into my health determines how many good days I will get to experience. We all have several things that can contribute to a having a good day. For me, some would include:
- Being complimented/noticed
- Having positive self-image
- Feeling accomplished
- Feeling relaxed
- Laughing and/or smiling
- Spending time with my husband
So what I do is look at this list and see if I can make as many of these as possible happen in one day, every day. Here's an example of how I've accomplished these:
- Being complimented/noticed - Luckily, my husband is very good about dishing out the compliments. I also have wonderful friends who don't shame me when I'm fishing.
- Having positive self-image - I look best to myself when I don't overeat and am not excessively lazy. This motivates me to take 2 walks a day and keep myself busy enough that I do not let eating become my favorite hobby.
- Feeling accomplished - If I have something that needs to get done and I've been putting it off, I feel motivated to get one or two checked off of the list. I feel a million times better when I do! Today I wrote a blog, as I'd been meaning to do for weeks now.
- Feeling relaxed - Today I took 2 hours to play some of my favorite games before lunch. It makes me feel good to take some time to do something I really love doing.
- Laughing and/or smiling - Every time I take the dogs on their walk I smile. Sometimes they're ridiculous and make me laugh, too.
- Spending time with my husband - My relationship with my husband is a priority in my life, as well, and it contributes largely to my mental health.
My hope is for this week to be as solid as last week, and that I continue to channel my energy toward making a better present, while being mindful of future me. I still go grocery shopping 2-3 times a week so that future me can make salads for the next day's lunch. Past me took 2 walks today so that present me can feel accomplished and give me the fuel I need to reshape my habits for this lifestyle. It's like a game, and every level is new, unpredictable, and a chance to put new skills to the test.