Matters of Weight:
First of all, I am still bouncing within 5lbs. The lowest I've gone so far is 143lbs and the highest in the past 6 months is 150lbs. If I step on the scale and it shows close to 150lbs, I reassess what my diet has been like and usually it's because I've been more relaxed and not eating as strictly for most meals and/or snacks. If I'm on the lower end I try to maintain that, but it seems like eventually I'll be in a situation where eating a piece of cake or going out to a restaurant is inevitable and it's not always easy to resist further temptations once I've crossed that line. The biggest change from previous 'diets' is that I don't beat myself up about the number on the scale at all anymore. Gaining a few pounds isn't a big deal to me. Even in my worst weeks where I ate like a complete moron I'm still not gorging on chips or cookies. I'm gorging on homemade waffles, pasta or bread. It's usually the stuff with grains/flour that are the easiest to overeat. They're so comforting when it's cold out. It makes me feel more solid and full - whereas during the warmer months I kind of just feel bloated and heavy when I overdo it on the grains.
It's a pretty great feeling to not be focusing on my weight all of the time.
There are days when I will eat my 2 eggs for breakfast and within a couple of hours I feel hungry again - so I'll also make a bowl of oatmeal. I feel like a fatty when I do that, but my weight doesn't start climbing back upward even when I do that for weeks at a time. I have no idea how that works, but I'm happy that it's a thing. It definitely contributes to my ability to stop berating myself every time I have something extra to eat. When I was restricting calories I was always beating myself up for going over my daily limit. Going over my daily calorie limit rarely stopped me from overeating when I really wanted to. I guess I'm just a lady who can't say no when my brain has decided it wants to eat something. Now I don't even stress about it at all. If I'm like, I want an apple, and then 20 minutes later I also want a biscuit, it happens. I eat it and I have no regrets. Maybe I will someday, but for today I choose to be content at this weight.
I'm pleased to say I've been sticking with regular yoga. When I have extra time in a day I'll do 45 minutes to an hour, and when I don't I try to at least sneak in a 15 minute routine. If I'm even more pressed for time I'll just do some of my favorite stretches/poses before bed. I love child's pose, hugging my legs to my chest, happy baby, tree, waterfall and anything that twists my spine. Yoga continues to help me with both mental clarity/relaxation as well as keep me feeling physically solid. I have some decent core strength and my knees don't ache as they used to. I love my foam roller, too. It really helps on those days when yoga feel like too much strain to accomplish. It's usually because I need to roll those muscles out - and then the next day I feel up to the usual routine.
I also still take my dogs on a ~1 mile walk nearly everyday. Walking outside makes me feel so much better, especially when I'm 'not in the mood'. That's when I seem to need it the most. I still don't give myself the option. I don't say to myself, "do I want to go on a walk today?". Instead, out loud I say, "okay, let's go for a walk" to my dogs and their excitement is impossible to ignore. I can't take it back once I've said it. They're a fantastic motivator for me - and even they have lost excess weight from the daily exercise. Surprising, I know!
What to Wear:
I've been wearing a size 6 in pants and a small/medium in tops for over a year now. One thing I wasn't expecting was when I feel like I'm having a mental 'fat day' I still fit into my clothes the same. I swear when I felt fat before I wasn't fitting into my clothes the same. I probably had gained a few pounds and my jeans got tighter and tighter. Now I don't even think about what to wear based on size. I have one drawer and 6 hangers of clothing to pick from and everything I own makes me feel attractive in my own eyes. I got rid of anything that made me feel like a stuffed sausage or frumpy in any way. I should have done that long before I lost the weight, but it was harder then because my weight fluctuated so much based on whether or not I was on a diet. I'm not on a diet anymore and my weight fluctuations don't exceed the sizes I currently own.
I have noticed on several occasions that other people, mostly strangers, treat me differently than they did when I was fat. I got used to feeling mostly invisible to the general public and I didn't really think that would change once I lost weight - but it totally did. In general, I seem to turn more heads. I'm always looking at people when I pass them on the street, or when they drive by in cars and it's been over 20 years of mostly looks of indifference. I didn't think anything of it at the time. That's what reality was for me so I didn't question it. However, it's impossible at this point to not notice the shift in the way people perceive me. I have no idea what others are thinking, of course, but it's not difficult for me to tell when I'm getting checked out or when fat women give me the stink eye. I know the stink eye all to well, as I used to use it a lot myself when I was fat and I'd pass a thin woman and think, 'what a lucky bitch'. I've discovered that on average people are not subtle about what they think. I just remind myself that I can't control what others think of me, and to be honest, it's really none of my business. I did back off a fair amount on the eye contact, though, as it was getting annoying for my own personal limits. I can feel invisible again if I just mind my own business and look at nature or a passing dog instead.
Also, I've noticed that this autumn/winter has already been easier on me than last year. I think my body is acclimating to this size, so I'm not freezing my butt off every day. I can comfortably wear t-shirts in my house on most days, whereas this time last year I was practically living in a cocoon of fabric at all times. I also find that I get overheated easier at night than I used to. Which is great for my husband, since I no longer steal the covers. He's the cocoon now.
It's also pretty cool to have figured out some basic stuff to eat while I'm on the road with the band. Typical hotel rooms have a fridge and a microwave, so if I don't piece together a salad with whatever fresh, pre-chopped stuff is available in the town we're in, I can easily cook up something warm, too. Most places have at least some basic grains and even canned veggies are better than no veggies, in my opinion.
My favorite so far is couscous. If you've never had it, it's the same as pasta only super tiny. The way I make it in a microwave is like this:
Put plain couscous into a microwave-safe tupperware dish and cook on high for about 2 minutes. It's going to start boiling at some point, so keep an eye on it or it'll overflow.
Once it's at the boiling point I lower the power level to 1 for a couple of additional minutes until the water is pretty much absorbed into the couscous. Stir it up a bit and then add whatever stuff I was able to find, like canned beans, mushrooms, peas or other small vegetables.
Cook that on power level 6 for about 30 seconds. Then it's sauce time. Either oil/butter and salt and pepper, or my personal favorite is adding some pesto or tomato sauce and even a few chunks of soft cheese. I use goat cheese because it's delicious and it keeps me away from cow's milk - which I have a sensitivity to. It also melts quickly, so it'll only take another 10 seconds or so to heat that up. I mix it up and chow down!
Below is a series of pictures from the last time I cooked it.
I hope everyone has a wonderful week, and cheers to making healthier choices!