As time moves right along and I am approaching 3 years of clean eating, I am still blown away by how true it is that we are a product of our habits. I started eating healthy and thinking of nothing else and within 6 months I went from obese to overweight to a healthy weight. It was because of the choices I made at every moment of the day. I have my ups and downs and sometimes I jump on the scale and think, "wow, how did that happen?". But I know. I know it's because there are times when I am stressing out about something completely unrelated to food, but food as become my go-to comfort when I need it. It's not a conscious thought, though. It's a habit, or a reflex at this point. Oh, I feel bad, food makes me feel good so I'll have some of that. And then I go into the kitchen and make myself something with little nutritional value but makes me feel full. How ironic that my go-to is commonly rice with butter and "nutritional" yeast flakes. I can't even understand why I thought that would be healthier than cheese, but here I am. It has less calories, sure. But I'm not fighting calories - I'm fighting unhealthy habits. Cheese in general is bad news bears and I know that because it's the first thing I go for when I want that comfort. I am choosing to look at my habits and adjust them because I know the truth for myself - and that's that eating doesn't make me feel better when I'm sad. It really doesn't. I've just convinced myself that it does.
So, in an effort to change this comfort food ritual, I am making a wall of things I love to do. Whenever I am feeling the need for some creature comfort, I intend to stand in front of this wall, take a deep breath and try to be present in the moment, and pick something on the wall to do instead of eat.
The most important thing throughout my journey has been the quest to be healthy, and generally speaking overeating ain't healthy. I am convinced that this will help, even if it's just a small step in the direction that I'd like to live in. I've already begun making some steps in regards to what are triggers for my desire to turn to food by using an app called Dailyo, where I can put in as many custom moods/activities as I want and set it to check in with me several times throughout the day. I am able to log my feelings and reactions and then look back at them to see if there are trends. Information is good for me to learn more about myself and adjust according to what I actually want my reality to be instead of accepting the "one I'm in". I've already changed SO MUCH over my life thus far. I never would have thought I would become a devout vegetarian by the end of 2017, but here I am. I haven't eaten a creature in months and I feel just fine physically, and leaps and bounds better mentally.
I never would have thought I would be able to buy a size small and think, yup, that fits. Deciding to settle on what is, just because it is easier than making an effort to change it, is not my game. I'm not into it. And like I've said before in previous blogs, I have the most fire under my tush when something or someone has convinced me that I "can't do something". Watch me, bitches. That includes my own brain for believing it was true. It's not true that I can't be better than my current self. I've already done it many, many times, and as a result I feel more powerful than I thought possible. I cannot control everything, but I can control the choices I make throughout the day, so that's what I choose to focus on.
Happy to also report that I've finally stopped the "I can't" tape in my head that says there's not enough time/brainpower for yoga. I've been back into a routine for a few weeks and I already feel better. I think I was getting a little irritated at my app routines and going to classes because they go at THEIR pace, not mine. I cannot relax if I think I'm going to be scooted along to the next pose in 3 seconds. It takes me longer than that to settle into a pose and really feel a stretch and connection to my body. So... I started setting out my mat and starting a timer on my microwave for 30 minutes and I do a routine that feels good to me and works the areas that I need that day. It's been lovely!
Hope all is well with you, too, friends. <3 Have a wonderful weekend!