Sorry about the delay in my posting a new entry, but it has been one heck of a week with many great moments, and some not so great. I guess I'm sort of lucky that I've held it together so far, and I've made sure to remind myself that even though things aren't amazing right now, I can still have my health to help carry me though it.
I intend to begin making videos showing how I prepare certain meals soon too, so hopefully I'll be able to find some free time to squeeze that in soon!
On a positive note, It hit me about 5 minutes ago that I am pretty darned small compared to anything I've been in my adult life. I mean, let's be real, I carry most of my weight in my 'trunk' making me an apple shaped person when I'm obese. So even though I am much smaller than I used to be, I still have a considerable amount of belly fat sticking out that I am concerned about. I'm not jumping off a cliff trying to lose a bunch of weight as fast as possible until I have a flat stomach. It's more like a leisurely stroll through the great wide world of health and I'm enjoying the benefits of losing excess fat. It's much easier to live in a body that weighs 90lbs less than it did in college. I'm no longer mentally hindered by my size. So many things used to make me nervous, like breaking a piece of furniture under my weight or whether or not the trampoline or ladder would support me. Bam, that's two things off the top of my head that I don't have to think about EVER AGAIN.
It started to occur to me when I saw the way my mom reacted when I took off my coat at her office yesterday. And the time a couple of weeks ago when an overweight lady eyed me up and down and gave me a weird, stinkface. I have no idea if it was just unfortunate resting bitchface and she didn't mean to look at me like that or something. It's totally possible. But the impression it left on me felt like she was judging me for being 'thin'. Probably because that's exactly what I did all the time to people I perceived to be 'lucky because they're thin'. (yeah, I know I'm immature. I'm working on it!). I can see now that even half of the thin people are still sick and having the same diseases as obese people. That factoid made me realize that most people aren't 'lucky' in the sense that they can eat whatever they want and truly be 'fine'. Living a long time doesn't mean it was spent being healthy. Anyway it was just a 2 second moment in one day of my life and my immediate thought when walking past her was "holy crap, am I the thin bitch now??"
I think maybe I am.
The little interactions I have with the world and people has changed a lot for me - not sure if it has any correlation to my weight loss or cutting sugars/processed foods, just an observation. I don't seem to be thinking about how I look as often. I mean that I am used to always wondering if my shirt was long enough so I wouldn't show off any buttcrack if I bend over, or pulling up my pants because I want to make sure it goes up to cover my belly fat as much as possible. I don't even understand shapewear anymore. Funny enough, I still wear size Q in pantyhose. I hate wearing them, but I am always weary of going without when performing on a stage. They're super comfortable when they're this loose, so I just keep using them even though I could potentially fit into B just fine.
Well, now it's been more than 5 minutes ago since I realized my own size change. I had to be sure, so I took a picture of me wearing my womens XL Mario shirt. I remember buying it and I was super bummed that it didn't fit me at all. In the first picture, I was about 180lbs and totally stoked that it finally fit me. I stopped wearing it for a while because it's been getting cold. But, I like wearing as many layers as possible for fall, so I'm doing tank tops, t-shirts, long-sleeves/hoodie and then we move up from there until I'm no longer freezing (NO ONE TOLD ME IT WOULD BE SO COLD!!).
The second picture is me now at 162lbs.
I intend to begin making videos showing how I prepare certain meals soon too, so hopefully I'll be able to find some free time to squeeze that in soon!
On a positive note, It hit me about 5 minutes ago that I am pretty darned small compared to anything I've been in my adult life. I mean, let's be real, I carry most of my weight in my 'trunk' making me an apple shaped person when I'm obese. So even though I am much smaller than I used to be, I still have a considerable amount of belly fat sticking out that I am concerned about. I'm not jumping off a cliff trying to lose a bunch of weight as fast as possible until I have a flat stomach. It's more like a leisurely stroll through the great wide world of health and I'm enjoying the benefits of losing excess fat. It's much easier to live in a body that weighs 90lbs less than it did in college. I'm no longer mentally hindered by my size. So many things used to make me nervous, like breaking a piece of furniture under my weight or whether or not the trampoline or ladder would support me. Bam, that's two things off the top of my head that I don't have to think about EVER AGAIN.
It started to occur to me when I saw the way my mom reacted when I took off my coat at her office yesterday. And the time a couple of weeks ago when an overweight lady eyed me up and down and gave me a weird, stinkface. I have no idea if it was just unfortunate resting bitchface and she didn't mean to look at me like that or something. It's totally possible. But the impression it left on me felt like she was judging me for being 'thin'. Probably because that's exactly what I did all the time to people I perceived to be 'lucky because they're thin'. (yeah, I know I'm immature. I'm working on it!). I can see now that even half of the thin people are still sick and having the same diseases as obese people. That factoid made me realize that most people aren't 'lucky' in the sense that they can eat whatever they want and truly be 'fine'. Living a long time doesn't mean it was spent being healthy. Anyway it was just a 2 second moment in one day of my life and my immediate thought when walking past her was "holy crap, am I the thin bitch now??"
I think maybe I am.
The little interactions I have with the world and people has changed a lot for me - not sure if it has any correlation to my weight loss or cutting sugars/processed foods, just an observation. I don't seem to be thinking about how I look as often. I mean that I am used to always wondering if my shirt was long enough so I wouldn't show off any buttcrack if I bend over, or pulling up my pants because I want to make sure it goes up to cover my belly fat as much as possible. I don't even understand shapewear anymore. Funny enough, I still wear size Q in pantyhose. I hate wearing them, but I am always weary of going without when performing on a stage. They're super comfortable when they're this loose, so I just keep using them even though I could potentially fit into B just fine.
Well, now it's been more than 5 minutes ago since I realized my own size change. I had to be sure, so I took a picture of me wearing my womens XL Mario shirt. I remember buying it and I was super bummed that it didn't fit me at all. In the first picture, I was about 180lbs and totally stoked that it finally fit me. I stopped wearing it for a while because it's been getting cold. But, I like wearing as many layers as possible for fall, so I'm doing tank tops, t-shirts, long-sleeves/hoodie and then we move up from there until I'm no longer freezing (NO ONE TOLD ME IT WOULD BE SO COLD!!).
The second picture is me now at 162lbs.
I see it now and I am very excited and am going to celebrate by eating my salad.
This one:
This one:
I like this salad a lot. I have eaten pretty much this same exact salad every day for the past 5 months. I'm not sick of it at all. I crave it. When I'm hungry I can't wait to have it because I know how I'll feel after eating it. I'll have energy to take my dogs for a walk and go get some more groceries (twice a week to keep it fresh). I love this salad because my body clearly adores it. In turn, that makes my brain happy because whatever I need to get done will not be hindered by physical restrictions. I'm rarely sick, and the few times I have been it seemed to be related to the quality of food I ate (sorry Which Wich, I thought you would be different).
So far today, I've eaten 2 scrambled eggs cooked in coconut oil, a Sweet 16 apple (small), a handful of mixed nuts/raisins, and now I'm about to dive into this deliciousness!
Have a great week all!
So far today, I've eaten 2 scrambled eggs cooked in coconut oil, a Sweet 16 apple (small), a handful of mixed nuts/raisins, and now I'm about to dive into this deliciousness!
Have a great week all!